“Show” part 6 (conclusion)

This is the end, finally. I must admit, five years later, to still finding the concept of a blooper reel for the Universe rather amusing. Performance video to come soon.

Previously:
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

– – – – –

Everything is very quiet for a good solid 8 seconds or so.

HOST
(very drunk)
So we destroyed the universe. I
guess we’d have to concede that
Project Sketchlite was not a
complete, unqualified success.
Sure, we’ve been scattered into the
incomprehensible void where time
and space have no meaning, but that
doesn’t mean Hollywood can’t still
give something back. So we put
together an All-Star tribute to the
ultimate reality show- the one
called the Universe!

EVERYONE (LIZ, JENNA, MIKEY, SARA)
(singing)
We can’t bring the Universe back,
so we’ll do the next best thing/
have an all-star tribute and sing,
sing sing!
(slow sad tempo)
Who can forget the universe/
it was such a special place/
It had everything from every time/
not to mention all that space!/
(tempo picks up)
The mysteries of existence, “what
happens when you’re dead?”/
Pluto’s moon, Crab Nebula, Ozzy bit
off a bird’s head!/
Spanish inquisition, Val Kilmer,
bear attacks, STDs/
Joan of Arc, Diff’rent Strokes,
Guiness-record-setting beard of
bees/
Periodic table, Russian revolution,
Spanish American war/
Whitesnake, Winger, Poison,
Warrant, The Earth’s red hot molten
core
A hundred eighty six thousand Miles
per second is the speed of light/
Affleck won an Oscar, for a screen
play he didn’t write!
Ancient Rome, The Odyssey,
Parthenon, Trojan Horse/
boobies, frottage, S and M, anal
intercourse!/
Jesus, Buddha, Moses, Vishnu, and
Mohammed too/
Tommy Lee injected liquor, on
“Behind the Music – Motley
Cruuuuuuuue!”/
black holes lead to other
dimensions, Napoleon exiled from
France/
Stallone in “Stop or my Mom Will
Shoot,” T-rex doing a tap dance!

T-Rex (FRANK) enters and performs an awkward tap dance, his little arms flailing wildly.

EVERYONE
(singing)
hidden messages from the Bible, in
the DaVinci Code/
too much smug satire, makes re-al-i
ty explode!

Everyone does jazz hands.

EVERYONE
(out of breath)
Universe!

BLOOPER REEL

HOST
Of course, the Universe was a big
production, and like all big
productions, they didn’t always get
it exactly right on the first take.
So now here are some never before
seen bloopers we thought you might
enjoy.

Throughout the bloopers, the Host stands at the side and watches, and laughs a big fake laugh.

LIFE IMITATES TANGO AND CASH

Two GUYS standing around.

GUY #1 (RYAN)
So, did you ever find my frisbee?

GUY #2 (LIZ)
Nah, I looked-

Sylvester Stallone from “Tango and Cash” (JOHNNY) storms on the stage.

STALLONE (JOHNNY)
Blowing a man’s head off with a
hand grenade is a touch much, don’t
you think?

GUY #1 (RYAN)
What the fuck happened?

GUY #2 (LIZ)
I don’t know. It was like, all of a
sudden, life just turned into the
movie “Tango and Cash.”

GUY #1 (RYAN)
Ah it was probably just some kind
of fluke, let’s try that again.
So, did you ever find my frisbee?

GUY #2 (LIZ)
Yeah, it’s a funny story. I was in
the back yard, picking my homegrown
yams, when-

Stallone re-enters, with pistol and police badge.

STALLONE (JOHNNY)
Stop- or my mom will shoot!

The blooper sound-

[BEEP]

-plays, Stallone exits. The two guys go back to their positions, doing another “take.”

GUY #1 (RYAN)
So, did you ever find my frisbee?

GUY #2 (LIZ)
Nah, I looked-

ABE LINCOLN (IAN) enters.

LINCOLN (IAN)
Four score and seven years- wait,
where am I?

Everyone laughs.

[BEEP]

GUY #1 (RYAN)
So, did you ever find my frisbee?

GUY #2 (LIZ)
Nah, I looked-

Gary Richrath of REO Speedwagon (MIKEY B) enters, and starts rocking out- music plays- “Take It On the Run” by REO Speedwagon. (flashing “rock video” lights if possible)

GUY #1 (RYAN)
Now where are we?

GUY #2 (LIZ)
Looks like the video to “Take It On
the Run” by REO Speedwagon.

They shrug and rock out to the music.

Suddenly T-Rex lumbers in. The music stops.

GARY RICHRATH (MIKEY B)
T-Rex? What the hell are you doing
in my video?

T-Rex answers by thrashing around and doing damage.

GARY RICHRATH (MIKEY B)
But it’s 1982- REO Speedwagon, led
by me, Gary Richrath, is at the
height of its powers- and T-Rex has
been extinct for over
(counts on fingers)
thirty thousand years!

T-Rex gives a “I dunno” gesture with his little arms. Richrath signals for the music to start up again. T-Rex goes to the side of the stage and waves people on.

Stallone, Lincoln (with guitar), Host, and Sara and Jenna (as historical characters) all enter and rock out to the music.

CREDITS