“Show” (part two)

Previously: Part one.

_ _ _ _ _

PICKING ROOMMATES

JOHNATHAN enters LEFT in the spotlight.

HOST
In week one, the Project Sketchlite
crew struggled to settle into the
house and find a way to work
together. The first step was
choosing roommates. Of course the
usual squabbles arose.

Lights come up to reveal MIKEY B at CENTER. Other cast members are lounging around on furniture @ back of the stage.

JAY
No! I simply refuse! There’s simply
no way you can make me spend months
upon end in a room with one of…
Them!

HOST
But this whole experience is
supposed to be about getting to
know people of various backgrounds
by creating a reality show parody!

JAY
(pointing to Johnny)
But I simply will not cohabitate
with a… A… Stand-up comic! Oh
the dick jokes, the inane patter-
oh the puerility of it all!

Jay bursts into tears.

Liz takes center stage.

LIZ
(speaking dreamily off to
the audience)
Ever since I was a little girl, I
dreamed of having a roommate. I
used to put my dolls in the same
room in their dollhouse and imagine
they were building a relationship,
punctuated by late-night heart-to
heart talks, racial and cultural
misunderstandings, and the
occasional make-out session. But
now my day is here- I’m really
going to have a roommate- I wonder
what he or she will be like?

Liz and Melissa’s eyes magically meet from across the stage.

LIZ AND MELISSA
(singing)
The roommate of my dreams/
will be brave and true/
We’ll be from different cultures/
with so much to learn and do/
maybe a screaming argument/
maybe feeling each other up/
when you have a roommate/
life’s a half-full cup!

As she’s singing, Liz and Melissa cross the stage to each other and join hands, and the other roommates pair up in the background. (JOHNNY and FRANK, SARA and MIKEY B).

BLACKOUT

THE CONCEPT REALLY STARTS TO COME TOGETHER

JOHNATHAN enters in host spotlight (the light comes on and catches him sneaking a drink from his bottle).

HOST
(hiding bottle, trying to
act sober)
After a month of living and working
together, the cast had become a
well-oiled reality-show-parodying
machine.

The cast are sitting around on furniture, looking depressed.

Johnny picks up some papers and reads them.

JOHNNY
This is horrible- the concept is
due tonight, and we haven’t come up
with anything decent.

DONALD
It’s hopeless. We only have two
hours left. I guess we failed to
create a reality show parody that
would make us all Hollywood stars.

Everyone looks sad.

SARA
I guess we might as well just go
home.

LIZ
Wait! You guys can’t give up!

She jumps up and strikes a perky pose.

LIZ
We’re six young Hollywood up-and
comers!

Slow, sad, music starts to play.

LIZ
(singing)
When you’re down and out/
and nothing’s going your way/

Johnny jumps in front of her.

JOHNNY
No! No! stop it!

LIZ
What’s your problem?

JOHNNY
I can’t stand this shit anymore!
Look, if we overcome adversity and
join together at the last moment to
come up with the best reality show
parody ever, will you promise not
to sing anymore?

Liz steps forward and the music starts up again.

LIZ
(singing)
Can I give it up?/
Singing is my life/

Johnny suddenly looks offstage (RIGHT) at Ian at the keyboard.

JOHNNY
(pointing)
This is all your fault!

Johnny jumps off the stage and approaches the piano.

JOHNNY
You’re an enabler, man! Every time
she wants to burst into song, you
start playing!

IAN
Hey- I’m just doing my job!

Ian continues trying to play, as Johnny tries to wrestle him away from the keyboard.

Meanwhile, on stage, everyone is arguing.

FRANK crosses to RIGHT to yell at Johnny.

JAY
(to Johnny)
Leave him alone, man- he’s just a
pianist!

DONALD
(to Jay)
Shut up assbutt!

They start fighting and fall over the furniture.

Sara and Melissa square off, arguing.

SARA
Being hot is so a lifestyle choice!

The host enters, breaking up the fights with his pointy stick.

HOST
(to cast)
OK, we’ve got about twenty seconds,
here we need the concept.

Everyone somewhat composes themselves.

DONALD
It’s an underwater-

LIZ
(does jazz hands or similar)
Musical!

Johnny jumps back on stage.

JOHNNY
Stand-up comedy-

DONALD
Jungle-

SARA
Model search-

MELISSA
For a bachelor-

Jay, emerges from the furniture.

JAY
Symbolically-

DONALD
In space!

HOST
Project Sketchlite will return
after these messages.

BLACKOUT