“Tarantino Beer” (2003)

This was a class assignment to write a commerical parody. I was trying to move it beyond the standard  “making fun of something I saw on tv” into something a little more abstract.  There is footage of this being performed somewhere on a miniDV tape buried in my closet.

—————————————-

INT. BAR

Attractive young people are enjoying a night out.

RYAN and FRANK are gazing longingly at some hot girls (KIP and ELIZABETH) across the room. Everyone is holding boring, generic-looking beers.

RYAN
Man, they’re so hot! I wish we had
something to talk to them about!

Suddenly, everyone freezes and an announcer in a tux or similar (Robert) enters, perhaps accompanied by music.

ROBERT
Hey guys! Nothing to talk to the
ladies about? Then try one of
these!

He passes them bottles of exciting looking beer.

RYAN
“Quentin Tarantino Has No talent
Beer?”

ROBERT
That’s right! It’s the beer that
finally says what right-thinking
people everywhere have suspected
for years, but didn’t have the guts
to say!

The guys excitedly drink.

FRANK
I never got what people saw in that
crap!

RYAN
Hey you know what they call a Big
Mac in France? They call it,
“you’re a talentless, pompous
hack!”

They laugh hilariously and high-five.

ROBERT
And for the lady, there’s “Quentin
Tarantino Has No Talent Lite!”

The ladies (KIP and ELIZABETH) suddenly get QTHNT Lites in their hands and are now magically sexier, unbuttoning their shirts or something.

KIP
All the violence and racial slurs-
it always felt so forced to me
somehow!

ELIZABETH
Yeah, like a kid showing off for
his friends in the schoolyard- kind
of sad really.

The guys and the girls are partying together. The room is abuzz with chatter about how much Quentin sucks.

They all laugh hilariously and slap each on the back.

ROBERT
When you’re looking for a good
time, remember-

They all raise their beers and toast.

EVERYBODY
Quentin Tarantino has no talent!

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